Fueling Fears

This morning I was reading in Exodus Chapter 4. In verses 18-25, God is giving Moses commandments to show him that fear has no place in his life. He tells Moses to throw his staff down, Moses obeys, and it turns into a snake. Uhh, I am afraid of snakes, I'm sure Moses was also. God then instructed Moses to pick up this snake by the tail. Moses obeyed and it turned back into his staff. He went on to perform more miracles that brought up fear, but Moses continued to trust Christ. Because Moses was obedient to God's commands, these bizarre acts made Moses trust Him.

So many of the fears we have in our lives are focused around the "what if's", right? As soon as I thought about this, I started examining my fears... Yep- all a "what if", all these things that may or may not even happen: fear. All of this fear- what is it? Fear is having faith but placing that faith in the wrong things, all of those uncertainties. There is no reason to brew fear (and anxiety in my case) with thoughts of things that may not even happen! Just as God gave Moses the strength to overcome his fears, He most certainly will bless us with the strength to let go of the what if's and be at peace.

So, my food for thought today has been, "what are some of the what if's that fuel my fear?" Think about it, and think about how you can ease that fear through trust in God.

Xoxo!

catch the kindness

Ohhh the kindness of strangers this week has been an absolute wonderful blessing! I have had multiple occasion where people I don't know have done such wonderful deeds, brightened my day and brought a smile to my face.

Just to share a couple stories, I had to have some work done to my car (which is never a fun time). Thankfully- my house, the shop, and work are all within about a mile and a half of one another. So after my shift a few days ago, I planned to take the hospital shuttle to the employee parking lot that was closest to the shop to pick my car up. The man driving the shuttle is notoriously known for his humor and positive spirits, I was so delighted to have him that day. He recognized that I normally do not park in the lot I requested and asked why I parked there today. I explained to him what my plan was and he immediately responded with, "Ohh no- its getting dark out, you don't need to be walking, I will drop you off at the shop!" Oh how he made my day- not only was it a chilly Ohio day, but walking in downtown Columbus always should cause some hesitation. This kind man recognized those factors and without hesitation, offered to make this situation easier for me. 

Last weekend I decided I needed some chipotle... and then made this choice again on Wednesday... Perhaps a little burrito bowl over kill, BUT it's just so easy to stop on the way home! Anyhow- this older woman who works the afternoon shift, recognized me and remembered my custom bowl (which I attempt to make a healthy and low-cal as possible). And if you didn't know- chipotle's website has a calorie counter which is so super. Her and I shared a giggle over my love of guacamole as she was so wonderful in serving me. So despite my slight embarrassment I'm delighted that she remembered everything I like in my custom bowl. When I got home, I quickly traded my heels for my fuzzy and warm blue rubber duck slippers and plopped down on the couch with my food. After turning on gossip girl I reached in the bag to pull out my bowl and to my surprise there was not one, but two cups of guacamole! I literally squealed with giddy excitement. What a sweet woman! 

These surprising acts of kindness made my week (which wasn't bad) better. It got me thinking, if those little things can bring me that much joy when I am having a great week, how much of an impact can we have when someone is having a bad week? What a wonderful opportunity we have- to use what tools we already have in front of us to be a blessing to someone else. 

You never know what someone is going through or what kind of day they are having- show them the love you would want to be shown on your bad day. 

Xoxo!

My Daily "To-Do List" Reminders

This has long been the background on my phone. This is my little personal reminder to live a happy, joyous day and show love through my actions and words. Well- I am at fault for letting this fade into my routine of "sliding to unlock" my phone. So- this morning I made a detailed list of ways that I live this out and how I can strive to do a better job.

1.) Count my blessings-

Oh my goodness gracious, this is one thing I can give myself a gold star for lately. I have had so much to be thankful for through all of the ups and downs of my life, but recently, Jesus has given me little reminders of how important it is to do this. The grace and forgiveness I have seen Jesus give me in the past several months is the ultimate blessing. Oh course, I wouldn't be where I am (in any aspect of my life) without the relationships I have: My awe-inspiring family and my friends. I consider it nothing but pure joy that I am lucky enough to have an army of equally goofy, heart felt family members that stand behind me. Through the recent test of faith, not once did I feel judged or condemned by any of them. If anything, I felt more love from them than ever before. Family is so, so, very precious- cherish whoever you consider your family! Next is my friends- I've learned that "quality over quantity" could not be more true. I giggle with a smile thinking of the beautiful friendships God has blessed me with. God designed us for meaningful, heartfelt connections with Him and with one another- how special it is to experience these blessings!

2.) Practice Kindness-

I don't know about you, but I struggle with this daily. When my patience is tested, I have to remind myself to take a deep breath and just kill 'em with kindness. I mean, it seems so simple- to be kind. This action and attitude really can present as a challenge when someone has done us wrong. While forgiveness can be a whole other topic, I am reminding myself that there is only one thing I can control: myself. I only have the power to control my actions and words. So, why not make them kind ones?  After all, if we are striving to be Christ-like, then we must remember the kindness He showed humanity. "The Lord is righteous in everything He does, he is filled with kindness." Psalms 145:17 

3.) Let go of what I can't control-

This goes hand in hand with practicing kindness! Not only can we control OUR actions, OUR thoughts, and OUR behaviors; and not those of others- but we have the power to control what we let our mind linger and obsess on. I've realized its pish posh to sit and let bitterness grow into evil over something ridiculously silly. Those of us that can have mini fist fights with anger know how much it can dwell. This week, my car was acting up and it ended up being about $300 to fix. While I was angry, yes, I reminded myself, "this is out of my control, I need my car, I need to pay the money." I can't control life's little bumps like this, I can't control my boss who tests my patience, I can't control the rush hour traffic, and I most certainly can not control the way that others behave... but think of how much of a weight is lifted when we are conscience of this lack of control and just let it be. Even so, it is well with my soul... 

4.) Listen to my heart-

Aka: Listen to Christ. God communicates in a variety of ways- identifying how and when God is speaking has made a huge difference in my life. Listening to Him has caused me to make justified decisions, learn self control, be obedient and follow the will He has for my life. In Job 33 God is communicating with him through dreams, visions, suffering (this shall be point in a future entry), and even through the mediating angel he sends. Often, but sadly, scripture such as this is approached as a fairy tale, but faith comes into play and we have to be on our guard about listening to Jesus speaking to us. By making myself more aware of circumstances I am making a point to listen to God speak to my heart.

5.) Be productive yet calm-

Ahhhh what an interesting statement. Productive yet calm? Many of moments I say, "YEAH RIGHT!" at this. In the hustle and bustle that graduate school has been for me, I have had a freak out too many times and it is because I wasn't practicing either of these behaviors. I wanted to be productive, but the absence of a calm spirit caused moments of weakness.  Procrastination causes me to be less calm when I finally do try and be productive. Color coding and an increased organization method have aided me in being productive, which has caused me to be so much more calm. Not only calm in regards to school work, but in general- I am not as stressed out when I feel productive.

6.) Just breathe-

Aaaaaand ready, set, close your eyes- take a deep breath...  Now how does that feel...?  Exactly. Taking moments for myself to breath keeps me in check with the rest of my list. Sometimes, we just need those little moments to regroup and go about our day with a new perspective. 

Why I am taking a break from Facebook

I've been asked by many friends and family members, "did you get rid of your facebook?!" The answer to this seemingly baffling questions is, YES. While an explanation to this social media break is hard to phathom, I want to let you know what brought me to this decision.

My "new years resolution" started in November after what I am classifying as a "life changing event" (more on this to come in time). This was my wake up call and time to look at my life to examine if I was heading the direction I wanted to. With this evaluation came a focus on social media- was I using this to benefit God or to benefit myself? The answer was clear, Facebook had become three things for me: 1.) An aid in judgement. 2.) Gossip and 3.) to show off.

As God's humble grace showed its self to me, I was able to further dive into this and look closer at how this was destroying me. Facebook "creeping" as society has defined it was cause in developing judgements of others with zero justification. God clearly tells us that judgement is wrong and a sin. He reminded me that "as you bring judgment, as you surely must, remember mercy." (Habakkuk 3:1) Then this got me thinking about mercy. What is mercy? Mercy is kindness and compassion that we as humans show to an enemy or someone who has done us wrong. Okay- so I am seeing people on facebook, my "friends" what wrong have they done me? Why am I accusing them of things that are untrue? God shows grace and mercy to everyone, and if I want to model my behavior after Him, I need to show grace and mercy by not judging others, nor giving myself the trap to do so (Facebook). "Talk and act like a person expecting to be judged by the Rule that sets us free. For if you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly. Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time. Faith in Action" -James 2:13

There are other times when facebook was the sole cause of gossip in conversation. Gossip can be dangerous. Gossip can cause unwanted feelings (like judgement) and cause our hearts to become angry, which destroyed the kidness I wanted to have in my heart. Gossip can get us into trouble with all of the "he said/she said" and "did you see what she posted on facebook?!" useless banter. Proverbs 12: 13 warns us that "the gossip of bad people gets them in trouble, the conversation of good keeps them out of it." The words that come out of our mouths reflect what is in our hearts. Again in Proverbs 13 God gives us a choice: "Words kill, words give life; either they're poison or fruit- you choose." God is literally giving us a choice- do we want to bring others up with our words, or do we want to use them as poison? Toxic words, that I found to be used in gossip, can be so dangerous- both heard and spoken. So- I have chosen to use my words as fruit and seperate myself from the toxic words of gossip.

And so finally I come to my last reason: to show off. I find it less ironic that this is last on my list here... God has been showing me his grace in helping me set my selfish behavior aside, and the choice to eliminate Facebook from my life has been His humble way of making this a dramatic realization known to me. God directs us as followers of him to turn from our selfish ways. He tells us in Psalms 119:36 to "turn your heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain" WOW. Think about that- what on earth am I trying to gain from proclaiming to my 1,200 facebook friends that I am having a terrible day or that I am going on vacation. Publicity? No- this selfish ambition was allowing me to put value on my own calling rather then God's calling for me. A selfish heart insults others- this is so blatently true. God is doing some wonderful "soul detoxing" in me, and letting go of selfish behavior has served as the cornerstone in multiple instances.

With these reminders on a post it note on my lap top- I decided that deactivating my facebook would be a fast. During the time that I would find myself scrolling through my newsfeed, I prayed that God would give me ambition to fill that time with something that is in His plan, not mine. This answer was obvious- dive into his word! Oh my goodness, what a breath of fresh air this realization was! And what a joy my heart has felt over this now 17 day fasting journey. I have been filled with so much humbleness, wisdom, and grace. God has truly rewarded my heart.

To anyone considering "giving up facebook"- I would encourage you to look deep down at your motives. Is your primary reason because you are sick of the drama or tired of seeing things that make your heart bitter? Or is it to give that time to God? Being a 24-year old female, social media was (and still very much is) a part of the "norm". By no means am I saying that Facebook is terrible, no way! I LOVE social media, but my heart was using it for bad, not good. How are you using social media, how is it affecting your relationships, your heart, and your thoughts? Above all- pray about fasting from social media, you may be pleasantly surprised at wisdom God so desperatly wants to give you.

Xoxo!