Alone

Some of the gals at work, okay- actually all of them- keep telling me I need to "take a night off and be young". What does that mean? Well, I gave up a shift this week, which is NOT common for me (also picked one up, but that's irrelevant/really relevant) and this happened to be Thursday, which was the night of the fireworks here in Columbus. I was eager to do "something young", to enjoy a night off with some friends, to go out, to have a beer or two and to watch the fireworks. Well, it came to that morning- I enjoyed my routine morning of Jesus time followed by a few hours soaking up sun at the pool then realized I had no desire to "be young" and to "enjoy a night off." if I'm being honest, I would tell you that my choice activity would be to spend the night with *him*; but that is no longer my reality. Next desire, to spend time with frozen yogurt and Netflix. Humph. What a life, how riveting. I like being alone. I really do. I have different things I do when I'm alone, but overall- I really enjoy it.

You know what the most peaceful, rewarding time of my day is? My mornings. Since I have switched to second shift, I have been going to bed at an hour normal humans do, thus I've been up by 9ish everyday. Holy wow- what a revelation this is for me! I have gotten into the routine of getting up, taking Sawyer dog out, making my coffee then I sit down at the kitchen table with my laptop and notebook and indulge myself in worship music, the word of god, and prayer. Guys, it's amazing. This time alone with the Lord, routinely, everyday has made for the last two weeks the most peaceful they have ever been. {small rant: when I typed that sentence, I had an 'oh wait' thought cause it's not always peaceful, I still struggle, know that.}

I don't need to "be my age". I am young, 25 is not the age of the wise, let me tell you. But I'm content with the fact that I would choose to spend alone time with my Jesus and froyo. Do I need community? Oh, my yes. I know this- this is something that's outside of my comfort zone and I'm working on. Joining a small group has been a baby step for me and I'm somewhat relieved we took a three week break for others vacations...So when that group starts up again, I pray I open my heart to that community of women who I know can encourage me. 

Truth is, I'm 25 and I enjoy being bymyself- I enjoy the serenity and comfort of my alone time with Jesus, or with my dog, or with Netflix. Slowly, I'm going to learn the balance of alone time and "being my age", or I'll learn contentment with that I have.

Okay- so I realize this post is a little contradictory. So, maybe that's where I'm at. I haven't figured it out yet, does anyone ever really "figure it out". Psh, I don't think so. So for now, I live at peace with comfort and with my unique and beautiful spirit. 

Xo